Lent - Day Ten - Into The Desert - Alone

First reading
Ezekiel 18:21-28 ©

I prefer to see the wicked man renounce his wickedness and live

Thus says the Lord:

  ‘If the wicked man renounces all the sins he has committed, respects my laws and is law-abiding and honest, he will certainly live; he will not die. All the sins he committed will be forgotten from then on; he shall live because of the integrity he has practiced. What! Am I likely to take pleasure in the death of a wicked man – it is the Lord who speaks – and not prefer to see him renounce his wickedness and live?

  ‘But if the upright man renounces his integrity, commits sin, copies the wicked man and practices every kind of filth, is he to live? All the integrity he has practiced shall be forgotten from then on, but this is because he himself has broken faith and committed sin, and for this, he shall die. But you object, “What the Lord does is unjust.” Listen, you House of Israel: is what I do unjust? Is it not what you do that is unjust? When the upright man renounces his integrity to commit sin and dies because of this, he dies because of the evil that he himself has committed. When the sinner renounces sin to become law-abiding and honest, he deserves to live. He has chosen to renounce all his previous sins; he shall certainly live; he shall not die.’

I wish I could describe to you the terrible silence that lives in the desert.  When the wind is calm and you are outside of camp you can almost hear your heart beating.  Just on the other side of the dune is your camp where men are eating, speaking, and doing chores but here, five hundred feet away there is nothing but the heat of the sun attempting to boil your brain and the heat of the sand that reminds you that you are in the desert.   There are no birds in the air and if you see birds, it is not good news because they will mostly be vultures who announce that something has died.   It is in this silent place, not too far from camp but certainly in another world that I found myself.  I fell to my knees and prayed by saying nothing, by thinking of nothing else than the great beauty that is God.  I pondered His love for me and the realization that He knew me personally and loved me personally even after all of the things I had done that were against His will, I cried and was in torment inside. Then my heart poured out wordless repentance and sorrow for my sin and there came into me a peace that defies my ability to describe it.  The love I felt entering my heart was hotter than the sun and it burned gladness into my soul.  I was beloved, I was a friend of the Father.  All was good with my soul.